Donald Trump Shocks World with Grammatically Coherent Book (Satire)

Donald Trump Shocks World with Grammatically Coherent Book (Satire)


Disclaimer: the following article is satire, and it should not be taken as truth.

11:00 AM

Today, veteran journalist Bob Woodward  joined the ranks of notable authors to publish tell-all books from inside the Trump White House. Woodward’s book titled Fear details explosive allegations of misconduct and delinquency against Trump and his aides, many of which are supported by audio tapes of interviews with White House staff. President Trump came out against the book on Twitter, calling it a “Joke” and “fiction,” while promising to take matters into his own hands and “write the real book” himself.

And so he did. The Vanderbilt Political Review obtained an exclusive preview of President Trump’s book from an anonymous senior staffer in the White House. The book is currently titled The Executive Papers: Why I Am the Greatest President Ever, and America Shouldn’t Trust Anybody But Me. Also, Bob Woodward is a Liar. We will continue to update this article throughout the day as we read through the book, but we already noticed several inconsistencies . First, the President correctly capitalized his title, which diverges from his tweet announcing the book. In his tweet, President Trump treated the word “joke” as a proper noun. Additionally, he even used a colon to introduce a subtitle. Before opening the book, it is clear that the President means business.

11:30 AM

VPR advises caution in reading the following excerpt from The Executive Papers, as it is shocking and unnerving on several fronts. Trump writes:

As I bade Chairman Kim goodbye and hung up the phone, I could not help but think about Vice President Pence, about whom I care so very deeply. He had been looking increasingly ill ever since his visit to the Center for Disease Control earlier that week. As he looked at me from across my desk, skin cadaverous and fever intensifying, he asked if I wanted a sip of his Diet Coke. I took several swigs, and thanked him for his generosity; after all, Diet Coke is the only drink that replenishes your body’s finite energy, proven to add one whole month to your life in every sip.”

The account is shocking for numerous reasons. Trump did not finish his sentences with prepositions, a common grammar slip-up he frequently commits. Additionally, his flawless use of a semicolon would make any third grade teacher proud. Even seasoned grammarians struggle with semicolons, so this passage exemplifies tremendous structural improvement by the President. He nailed the passage’s several proper nouns, only capitalizing when necessary, such as “Chairman Kim,” “Center for Disease Control,” and “Diet Coke”. If Woodward’s book was a step forward in literature about President Trump, The Executive Papers proves to be a massive leap.

12:15 PM

Vanderbilt Political Review received another communication from an anonymous White House senior staffer, who claims that President Trump did not actually author The Executive Papers. Our source tells us that the book, which has already received 200,000 pre-orders on Amazon, was actually ghostwritten by the President’s wife, Melania Trump. The source claimed to have seen  her operating a tape recorder in rooms throughout the West Wing, including the Oval Office and communicate extensively with small-time publisher, Kreative Good Books (KGB). At this time, she has not responded to our numerous requests for comment.

1:00 PM

First Lady Trump’s spokesperson finally responded to our inquiries, saying it is impossible for her to have written the book, as she has not been seen or heard from in the White House for over three weeks. While there is no official word from the White House on the identity of the imposter, we have received a tape of the ghostwriter’s communications with her publisher, KGB. In the tape, the ghostwriter cryptically stated in Russian that she has “more than enough for 2020.”

1:15 PM

Russian President Vladimir Putin was arrested after trying to flee White House grounds, still wearing the shoulder-length brunette wig he allegedly donned for the past three weeks as he impersonated the first lady to gather quotations from senior staff for The Executive Papers. When asked why he came all the way to Washington D.C. to ghostwrite the book, he said he was simply “doing a favor for a friend,” and that he would “do the same for somebody who had done half as much for [him] as President Trump.”

About author

Joe Lovinger

Joe is a junior from Purchase, New York double majoring in English and Political Science. Outside of VPR, Joe is the founder and chairman of the Vanderbilt Student Library Committee and a member of the prose staff for the Vanderbilt Review. He is particularly interested in the interaction between American politics, popular culture, and media.

  • curry 4#1

    January 11, 2019

    I and also my guys were found to be reading through the best information located on your website while the sudden I got an awful feeling I had not thanked the web site owner for them. All the young men ended up for this reason stimulated to read through them and have definitely been having fun with these things. Appreciation for getting quite thoughtful and also for opting for this kind of incredible areas most people are really desperate to be aware of. Our own honest apologies for not saying thanks to you sooner.

  • Men Ball Star Sneakers#2

    January 11, 2019

    I precisely had to say thanks all over again. I am not sure the things that I would’ve followed without these secrets shown by you directly on such a field. It had been the horrifying scenario for me, nevertheless taking a look at a new specialized approach you handled it made me to cry for fulfillment. I will be happy for this assistance and even pray you comprehend what a great job you have been carrying out teaching some other people via your webpage. I am certain you have never encountered all of us.

  • cheap jordans#3

    January 10, 2019

    I want to express some appreciation to this writer for bailing me out of this type of setting. Just after exploring throughout the internet and meeting suggestions that were not pleasant, I was thinking my entire life was gone. Existing minus the answers to the issues you’ve fixed through your entire post is a critical case, as well as those which could have in a wrong way damaged my career if I hadn’t discovered the website. Your own personal understanding and kindness in handling all the details was invaluable. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t come across such a point like this. I’m able to now look forward to my future. Thanks a lot very much for the reliable and effective guide. I won’t think twice to refer the website to anyone who would like support about this subject.

  • ferragamo belts#4

    January 9, 2019

    I really wanted to develop a simple note to be able to appreciate you for all of the wonderful instructions you are giving here. My time consuming internet look up has at the end of the day been paid with excellent details to write about with my neighbours. I ‘d admit that most of us website visitors actually are quite fortunate to live in a good website with many outstanding professionals with very helpful concepts. I feel truly happy to have seen your web page and look forward to plenty of more excellent minutes reading here. Thanks again for a lot of things.

  • michael kors outlet online#5

    January 8, 2019

    I simply desired to appreciate you yet again. I am not sure the things that I would have worked on in the absence of the entire secrets shown by you about such a situation. This was the traumatic situation in my position, nevertheless taking note of the very expert fashion you resolved it took me to leap over fulfillment. I am thankful for your guidance and hope that you really know what a great job you’re carrying out training people today via your site. Most likely you have never met any of us.

  • nmd#6

    January 7, 2019

    I and my guys have been reviewing the good points found on the blog while immediately got an awful feeling I never expressed respect to the web blog owner for those techniques. All the young men came as a result passionate to read through them and have in effect pretty much been using them. Many thanks for simply being very accommodating as well as for finding this sort of remarkable ideas millions of individuals are really needing to discover. My sincere apologies for not expressing gratitude to you earlier.

  • yeezy shoes#7

    January 7, 2019

    I simply needed to say thanks again. I am not sure what I would’ve taken care of without those information revealed by you relating to that industry. It truly was a real horrifying matter in my position, nevertheless taking note of this professional strategy you resolved it took me to weep for fulfillment. I am just thankful for the information and then pray you really know what an amazing job you happen to be providing teaching the rest all through a site. More than likely you’ve never got to know any of us.

  • jordan 13#8

    January 6, 2019

    I just wanted to make a simple message in order to appreciate you for all the unique advice you are placing at this site. My rather long internet investigation has at the end been rewarded with really good information to exchange with my close friends. I ‘d assert that we visitors are unequivocally fortunate to exist in a magnificent place with very many wonderful individuals with great secrets. I feel quite fortunate to have used your entire weblog and look forward to plenty of more cool moments reading here. Thanks a lot again for everything.

  • michael kors outlet#9

    January 5, 2019

    I needed to draft you this little remark so as to say thanks a lot as before relating to the precious solutions you have documented above. It is quite remarkably open-handed of people like you to offer extensively what some people could have supplied for an e book in order to make some dough on their own, mostly since you might well have tried it in the event you desired. The tricks also served to become a fantastic way to recognize that someone else have a similar passion like mine to see whole lot more in respect of this matter. I am sure there are numerous more pleasurable periods ahead for those who scan your site.

  • crazy explosive#10

    January 3, 2019

    Thank you for all of your effort on this web page. My niece enjoys working on investigations and it’s really easy to understand why. We know all relating to the compelling ways you offer very important steps by means of this web blog and invigorate response from other ones on this concern so our favorite child is in fact discovering a lot. Enjoy the remaining portion of the new year. You are performing a really great job.

  • golden goose#11

    January 2, 2019

    I in addition to my buddies ended up looking through the best guides found on the blog and all of the sudden came up with a terrible suspicion I never expressed respect to the site owner for those tips. Most of the women came thrilled to study all of them and have quite simply been loving them. Thanks for truly being really thoughtful and for using some amazing resources millions of individuals are really eager to be aware of. My very own honest regret for not saying thanks to earlier.

  • yeezy boost 350#12

    January 1, 2019

    I’m commenting to make you understand what a cool encounter my child found reading your webblog. She learned many details, most notably what it’s like to possess an excellent coaching mindset to have other individuals with ease thoroughly grasp several grueling things. You undoubtedly did more than visitors’ desires. Thanks for imparting the effective, dependable, revealing and also unique guidance on that topic to Tanya.

  • cheap mlb jerseys#13

    January 1, 2019

    I have to express some thanks to the writer for rescuing me from this particular condition. Just after looking out throughout the the web and finding principles which were not pleasant, I thought my life was gone. Living devoid of the approaches to the problems you have fixed by means of your write-up is a serious case, and ones which might have adversely damaged my entire career if I hadn’t encountered your website. The ability and kindness in taking care of all the details was crucial. I’m not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t come across such a point like this. I can also at this time look ahead to my future. Thank you very much for this impressive and sensible help. I will not think twice to recommend your site to any person who would like care on this subject.

  • curry 4#14

    January 1, 2019

    My husband and i ended up being absolutely excited that Ervin could complete his inquiry from your ideas he discovered through your web site. It’s not at all simplistic to just choose to be offering key points which often people today might have been trying to sell. We do know we need you to appreciate for that. The illustrations you’ve made, the simple web site navigation, the friendships your site make it easier to engender – it’s got everything powerful, and it is aiding our son and us feel that that concept is fun, and that’s seriously vital. Thank you for the whole thing!


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *